Happy One Hundredth Anniversary

This is a work of fiction. No real people, places or events were used. Copyright ã 2011 Plot Roach.

Happy One Hundredth Anniversary

By Plot Roach

“Happy anniversary, darling.” John said, handing Elaine a large manila envelope.

Elaine opened the top of the envelope and slid the sheath of papers out, studying them for a moment. “Oh screw you, John!” she yelled, throwing the papers down and stalking out of the room.

“You kept saying that all you wanted for our ten year anniversary was a divorce, so I thought you’d like it more than a day at the spa or an oversized bathrobe.” He snickered, pleased with himself.

“I DO want a divorce, but not under those conditions.”

“What? You get to leave this relationship with half the house, your personal things and your dignity. What more do you want?”

“More, for starters. I know how much we own, thanks to a little digging I’ve been doing while you were busy with your little girlfriends. I think I deserve far more than some pittance!”

“Pittance? You’re lucky I’m reasonable enough to give you anything at all!”

Elaine chose that moment to throw a picture at his head, it missed by a few inches, but only because John ducked the blow at the last second. It was interesting to note that it was their wedding photo. Where did we go wrong? He thought. “Now, Elaine… I’m getting tired of all this. Can’t we act like adults?”

“Adults? You’ve never-”

But she was cut off in mid sentence by a knock at their door. “Were you expecting someone?” John asked her.

“Only another one of your girlfriends.” Elaine said.

John looked at the monitor that showed the front door. It was a man with a briefcase. “How did he get past the front gate?” John asked.

“What does he want?”

“Only one way to find out.” John said. He opened the front door and greeted the man. He was a plain looking creature, a grey suit adorned him with plain, black shoes. You could pass him on the street and never notice him, John thought. “Can I help you?” he asked the nondescript man.

“No, Mr. Matthews. I am here to help you.”

“I don’t buy crap off of door to door solicitors, and I’m not looking to be saved by Christ, so please leave by the gate.” John said, closing the door. But the man stopped it short by putting his foot in the door jam, preventing it from closing.

“I said that I’m here to help you, Mr. Matthews.”

“John, do I need to call the police?” Elaine asked from behind him.

“Just what exactly is this about?” John asked.

“I’m from the Phoenix Commission. You two have been on our list for the past ten years. And now you finally qualify for the program.”

“Phoenix Commission?” Elaine asked.

John’s forehead wrinkled as he searched his memory of anything he had signed up for recently. Is this some kind of come-on? he asked himself. And then it sparked a memory, it was something he and Elaine had signed up for on a whim many years ago. They both thought it was a scam when they had not heard anything from the company after they had put their initial investment down. “Is this the immortality thing?”

“Yes, Mr. Matthews. It is indeed the ‘immortality thing’.”

They invited the man in, John poured them all drinks and they traded the necessary pleasantries before their grey clad visitor started in on the specifics. “As you know, the operation is no light thing to consider. It is only given to those that can afford it, and those who had proven themselves over a period of ten or more years to be more than capable to live with the consequences of such a… gift.”

“How can there be consequences to immortality?” Elaine asked.

“Try living forever, but losing everyone that you love. Friends, family, lovers…”

“So what do we have to do?”

“You already have done it, amassing a small fortune, finding someone to share in your eternity and cutting yourself off from those that would only… hold you back. The operation itself will cost roughly a third of your total finances.”

“Wait, you said I had someone to share eternity wit?”

“Why, your wife of course. This operation is never given to single people, as the stress is too much for one person to handle. We find that couples take to the transition easier and are less likely to contemplate suicide."

“Well, yes. My wife, of course… I was just wondering if there was a group of others that we joined or something.”

“No. Aside from their spouses, most who undergo the operation are solitary folk. It helps to keep things in perspective.”

"Yes, of course.” John agreed.

“So you two are ready to take the ‘big plunge’, so to speak?”

“Oh, yes” John said, reaching out to hold Elaine’s hand as she smiled and blinked back tears.

One week later, the couple was prepped for the surgery. They had a long talk the night before in their hotel room. Conversing about their fears, their hopes and their plans for divorce once the surgery was completed.

“Are you sure they won’t do something to us when we get divorced?” Elaine asked.

“How can you repossess immortality?” John asked. “Relax, this will be over before you know it. And then we’ll be off on our own.”

The couple were dressed in surgical gowns and anesthetized. A few hours later they awoke in the same room, groggy and with minds filled with a million questions. The man in the grey suit came to visit them, offering a contract three times as thick as the divorce papers that John had presented Elaine with the same day that they decided to become immortal together. They signed at each blank line presented to them. The grey man was about to leave when John finally got the nerve to ask the question that had plagued the couple ever since they had agreed to the surgery. “Now what happens if in the future Elaine and I decide to have a divorce?”

“Oh, that will not be possible, Mr. Matthews. You see, we have found that in order for the immortality surgery to function properly, one half of each device is placed in one half of each couple. You can spend a little time away from each other, anywhere form hours to maybe a day. But in order to keep from dying, you will need to be in almost constant contact with one another in order to keep the devices charged and operational. That is why we choose couples who have spent a number of years together, like the two of you have. We know that with compromise and love, you will have a happy and eternal life together.”

The man in the grey suit left and Elaine began to cry. Through the haze in his mind, John wondered vaguely what the traditional gift would for a one hundredth year anniversary.