Are You Into Practical Jokes?

This is a work of fiction. No real people, places or events were used. Copyright ã 2011 Plot Roach.

Are You Into Practical Jokes?

By Plot Roach

Me? Why am I standing here? No reason, but you should probably move. A little to the left, I’d say.

There’s absolutely nothing going on here, I promise.

Well…maybe a little something. Are you into practical jokes?

Good.

It’s a big one, if we can pull it off.

Who is it on? This guy that dumped my friend, like, a month ago.

I agree, she does need to get over it. I mean, who holds a grudge for a month, right?

She’s just mad at the way he dumped her.

How? By text message, but only after dragging her along on the biggest guilt trip imaginable. You see, she was going to dump him the month earlier. She was in this big “gotta do spring cleaning in my life” thing. She quit her job, decided to move to another city and was going to dump his butt and find someone else. But then he drops this bomb on her.

No, not a real bomb. An emotional one. He says he’s dying of this rare disease and he needs her close to ease his discomfort and be his emotional support through the end. But it’s all a lie. And he doesn’t tell her this until he’s shacking up with some other girl. She doesn’t find out about it until she shows up for one of his doctor’s visits.

No, he didn’t actually go to the doctor, because the disease was fake and all. Well, okay the disease wasn’t fake, but him having it was. I have to admit that he did his homework. Maybe too well…

Well, the disease was real and so was the doctor. Problem was, he picked one out of the phonebook and mentioned the guy by name. So when she went to surprise him, all she had to do was look him up in the phone book herself. She tries to surprise him there and gets a surprise herself: not only is he not there, but the doctor has never heard of him.

Oh, she was pissed! She tries to call him, but he’s not answering -too busy with the new girlfriend is my guess. When she does get a hold of him, it’s through a text. When she tells him what she found, he dumps her, right then and there. He tells her that she’s too needy and that he’s moving on since he’s ‘cured’.

Yeah, that was a really crappy thing to do. So she’s out for his blood, which I don’t blame her for. That’s why we’re here.

Me? I’m here to make sure that the thing we planted in his apartment goes off when he walks through the door with his new girl.

It’s a remote controlled paint bomb. My friend is across the way from his apartment in another building, but the remote won’t send the signal that far. That’s why I’m down here in the alley behind the building. When she gives me the signal, I’ll hit the button and we should see something pretty interesting.

The paint bomb is something similar to what banks use to mark bills that robbers take. They slip the ’dye pack’ in the bag and when the guy tries to open the bag it marks the money and explodes on him as well. We set them up all over his apartment, at least one for every wall and a few dozen on the ceiling.

Wait! That’s her now. She’s looking over at the building…She’s waving, that’s the signal.

Are you ready?

Good. Now stand back, this could get messy.

Oh crap! I didn’t think it would blow out the windows! Sorry some of it got on you.

Are those sirens?

Run!