Fairy Tale Inc.

This is a work of fiction. No real people, places or events were used. Copyright ã 2011 Plot Roach.

Fairy Tale Inc.

By Plot Roach

It was Seth’s first day on the job, and he could not stop the fluttering feeling in his stomach. His thesaurus, dictionary and copy of Grimm’s Fairy Tales weighed heavily in the messenger bag at his side. He checked his reflection in the mirror before strolling into the Main Office.

“Oh, Seth, there you are.” Said a woman with a willowy figure and big doe eyes. It was Miss Hause who had hired him for this ‘unique opportunity in employment’ as she called it. She looked so thin that he swore he could read a section of the morning’s paper through her stomach if she had not worn a shirt.

“I came a little early, I hope you don’t mind.” he said, blushing a bit in her presence. Something about her always had that effect on him.

“Don’t fret, dear boy.” Said a rather rotund man from behind him. “We often start work before sunrise and work long into the night on some of our more ‘problematical’ subjects.”

“Seth, I’d like you to meet our fairy Godmother.” Miss Hause said, gesturing to the round man.

“But I thought that a fairy godmother was a woman?”

“In the past, perhaps. But with the economy what it is these days, I have to work three jobs just to pay the mortgage on my happily ever after dream home. I’m not only a Fairy Godmother, but also a part time Mother Nature during Autumn, and Lady Luck on every first Friday of the month in Las Vegas.”

Seth smiled and was about to burst into a quick laugh, then he saw the serious look on the portly man’s face and Miss Hause giving a faint shake of her head to warn him of the seriousness of the matter.

“My best pupil spoke highly of you, I hope you do not disappoint me. I met her back when she was such a young thing, trying to get away from a witch, you know. Her brother had an eating disorder, and I provided her with some fast acting diet pills. By the way, Gretel. It’s time you stopped taking them.” Miss Hause blushed and excused herself, letting the two met speak in peace.

“Well… It’s nice to meet you, fairy Godmother. How does this effect my job?”

“I’m glad you asked, dear boy.” said Fairy Godmother. “You will be my assistant throughout the day. Helping me through the difficult decisions I must make with our clients.”

“So… What do we do, exactly?”

“We bestow wishes. We make miracles happen. We bring dreams into reality. Wherever there is a young woman, or man, whose heart is broken and needs some special magic to fulfill their destiny, we are there to provide it for them -for a fee of course.”

“What kind of fee?”

“You’ll see, dear lad. Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

“Then we’re off!” Fairy Godmother said, producing a pinch of sparkling powder with a flourish and waving in the air about them. In the blink of an eye, they were no longer in the office, but in a dark forest. Seth sneezed heartily and fairy Godmother just smiled and studied his surroundings. “She should be here soon.”

“Who?” Seth asked with a thick voice, his nose very stuffy.

“Our next client.” fairy Godmother said. “And don’t worry too much about the allergy to the dust, dear boy. You’ll get used to it in time.”

Seth was about to ask more about why they were here, in the dark forest, when a girl came running in their direction. “Help me, please.” she panted, leaning heavily upon Seth’s arm. “I’m being chased by-”

“A wolf, we know.” said Fairy Godmother. He winked at Seth and produced three pieces of fabric from his pants pocket, as if he was a circus clown in a business suit.

“But how did you?” the woman asked.

“I’m your fairy Godmother, my dear. Now please remove your cloak and hand it to me.”

The woman took off her red hooded cloak and surrendered it to the old man, blushing at Seth as her hand brushed up against his arm.

“Now, none of that, young lady. There’s a good and proper woodsman waiting for you on the other side of that hill.”

“But how will I get to him, if the wolf is chasing after me?”

You leave that to us, dear girl.” fairy Godmother said. He turned to Seth, brandishing the three cloaks he had pulled from his pocket. “Which color do you think will be best to ward off her attacker, do you think?”

"The green blends into the woods well, and might camouflage her to the edge of the forest. The yellow is a bit too bright, but isn’t yellow a symbol for disease? It might ward him off if he’s afraid of eating sickly prey -but don’t wolves in the wild normally take down the sick and dying in order to keep the herd healthy. And I’ve heard that blue is an appetite suppressant -but I don’t know if it would work if the wolf is color blind.”

“Green it is then, my dear. Now put it on right away and off you go to your destiny. We’ll take care of the wolf in the meantime.”

Reluctantly, the woman parted ways with them and ran off over the hill to the woodsman waiting for her. “Quickly put the red cape on, Seth.”

“But won’t the wolf attack me?”

“He’ll try. But then he’ll see that you are not his prey and then we shall set him straight. Hurry now, I can hear him coming.”

No sooner had Seth thrown the cloak about his shoulders, then the ragged and furry beast approached. “I have you now, my dear.” the wolf said, his breath rasping from his pursuit.

“I think you have the wrong person, wolf.” Said Fairy Godmother.

“Excuse me?” said the wolf. “I’ve been chasing this child for many miles and I know her when I see her.”

“Oh, but I’m not a her.” said Seth. “I’m a him.”

The wolf squinted up at him and growled. A quick sniff provided him the proof. “No reason for any heartbreak on my end." the wolf said. “I can eat a man as easily as I can that willful child.”

“I beg to differ.” said Fairy Godmother. Seth sighed and relaxed as the old man began to recite a long list of numbers that mesmerized the wolf into submission. All about which codes had to be enforced since the wolf was a part of a fairy tale. The wolf sat on his haunches and glared at both men.

“Prove it.” he growled. “For if you cannot, the man is mine to eat.”

“Seth?” the fairy Godmother asked. “Did you bring the books that Miss Hause told you to keep on hand for the day?”

“Yes, Fairy Godmother.” Seth said, handing over his bag. The old man pulled out the books and showed the wolf that, under no circumstances, was he to eat anyone other than a female wearing a red hooded cloak. Every point was argued, including Seth’s sexuality. Until it was proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt by all three books, that the wolf had to wait for another girl unfortunate enough to wear a red cloak through these same woods.

“What do we do now?” Seth asked fairy Godmother.

“We sell the cloak.”

“What?”

“It will bring a high price at auction, by some of our ’special’ collectors. We need to make up our profits somehow, Seth. It’s not like pixie dust grows on trees. Magic takes money, my boy. And I for one intend to retire a rich man in a hundred years or so.”

Seth’s head was still spinning from the encounter as Fairy Godmother whisked them away to another location. This time it was a dark road lined with cobblestones. “Who are we waiting for?”

“A woman in a magical carriage who must be home before midnight and before she changes back into a scullery maid.”

“And we are here to do what, exactly?”

“I have in this box six kangaroo rats that will get her home much faster than the white mice she’s using to pull her carriage right now.”

“Mice pulling a carriage?”

“They’ll be horses as they pull the carriage -didn’t you ever read fairy tales as a child?”

“Well, yes. But…”

“Not now, lad. Here she comes and with not a moment to spare.”

“But why does she need to get home faster?”

“Because midnight is right around the corner, and if she has to walk the fifteen miles back to her home carrying a pumpkin, six mice and an old hound dog, her feet will be too puffy to wear the glass slipper the prince will present her with in the morning.”

“Oh. I get it now.”

“I should hope so.” said Fairy Godmother. “Now get the other box ready for the mice we’re about to replace. And don’t let any escape. They’ll fetch a good price on the black market.”