My Alien Friend

This is a work of fiction. No real people, places or events were used. Copyright ã 2011 Plot Roach.

My Alien Friend

By Plot Roach

So it turns out that my friend, Markus, is an alien. I didn’t find this out right away, in fact I’ve known him for five years now. I guess he wanted to make sure that I would be ‘cool’ with it, or something. Or at least wouldn’t go running off into the street screaming for help from the men in black or whatever.

I only found out about it at my birthday party. It was an informal affair, just a handful of friends at my apartment watching some crappy eighties horror movies and eating some takeout fried chicken.

I really didn’t think much of my thirty seventh birthday. I mean, it’s not a ‘big one’ as far as birthdays go. At eighteen you can vote, at twenty one you can drink, at thirty you tend to drink more, at fifty you are ‘over the hill’ and everything after that you never want to keep track of again. So what do you do when you’re thirty seven? You sit on the couch with your loser friends, also as sad and old as yourself, and eat fried chicken and make fun of bad movies.

Melissa came over with a bottle of wine, telling me that it was her gift to me only after she had already drank the last of its contents. Jim Jr. decided that I needed more excitement in my life because he gave me a couple of tickets to a hockey game the following month, hinting that I could take him with me if I wanted. I’ve never liked hockey, and I doubted that I will start an obsession with it now. Martha brought me a plant that I don’t need to water -which is good because I have a reputation for killing plastic plants. It’s supposed to pull moisture from the air or something, but I noticed that it was already brown around the edges, so I doubt it will be around long. And when Markus dropped by his face fell when he discovered that he had forgotten my birthday.

“Not a problem.” I told him.

“But it’s a big thing with your people.”

“You mean Americans or just weird people who are old enough to know that they should act better but don’t?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I said. “You can make it up to me later.”

After the fried chicken and movies we decided to go bowling. What can I say? When you’re bored and don’t want to drink yourself to sleep, it beats watching infomercials about hair plugs and power fitness exercise equipment. So we loaded ourselves up into Martha’s van and within minutes found ourselves wrapped around a telephone pole. It turns out that dear old Martha had a few glasses of my birthday wine and shouldn’t have been driving, but no one noticed until it was too late.

So I was standing a few feet away from the van, looking at our mangled bodies when I noticed that Markus wasn’t among them. All the other spirits of my friends had moved on by then, after wishing me happy birthday yet again.

Finally Markus walked up, lit a cigarette and tossed the match on the already burning pile that was my last living moment on earth. “Ready for your present now?” he asked.

“Can you actually see and hear me?” I asked.

“Who else would I be talking to?”

“And why weren’t you mangled like the rest of us?” I asked.

“I bailed.”

“Yeah, I get that -but how? And why didn’t you take us with you?”

“First, I am an alien. We have the technology. In fact, it was a gift from my mother and father for graduating college. A gizmo permanently attached to me to save me even if I’m not aware that I’m in trouble. And don’t ask me how it works, because I’m not at liberty to tell you.”

“You went to college?”

“I got a PhD in Human Psychology. It came in handy when studying your people.”

“I bet it did.” I said.

“Now, I have a gift for you.” he said and then snapped his fingers. We were in a small room, furnished sparingly except for an ornate stainless steel table and matching chairs. “Are we on your mothership?” I asked.

“Don’t be daft, we’re in my apartment.”

“Oh.”

“Now let me show you some options that you have open to you…” There was a trunk in the other room -also steel, he pulled out of it several orbs which he set up on the table. “I couldn’t save you and the others because I’m not supposed to interfere with the natural selection of this planet. But now that you’re dead, we can have a little fun.”

“I’m a little more worried about that last statement that anything else that has happened tonight, Markus.” I said.

“Relax, you’ll love it.” he told me. I’m going to put you back in a body.”

“My body?” I asked.

“The one that’s burned to a cinder?”

“Oh yeah, huh…”

“Now you have three options.” he said, standing back after he had activated the three orbs on the table. Each showed a different picture in a hologram that floated above it. The first was a world bathed in golden light that radiated peace and hope. The second a world of silver that felt cold but protected. And the last showed a green world, like Earth before all the cities and smog.

“The first orb shows you where you are headed when you die. It’s where we all go, it doesn’t matter which planet or religion you are from. And since you are going there anyway, I thought that I could give you a side trip in the meantime.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“The second orb shows a planet in Cygnus 12, the people there are born into machines that are like suits of armor. They nurture you , protect you from all harm and let you go anywhere and do anything until you die of natural causes.”

“But I’m always in the suit?”

“Yes, that is the drawback. All the things that your senses would experience first have to be routed through the computer which degrades the experience, I fear.”

“And the last one?”

“It’s a planet like Earth used to be.”

“-I knew it!”

“Intelligent, humanoid life is just starting out up there.”

“Who are they?” I asked.

“People like you, who are given second chances by people like me.” he said. “Who knows, I might even go there myself one day…”

“What can I take?”

“Nothing, you’re dead. You can’t carry anything, even if you tried. You’ll just wake up in a body that has been set aside.”

“What do they wear there? Who will I be? What is it like there? Is it dangerous?”

“Yes, there are dangers there. Animals, natural forces and poisonous plants are at the top of the list. If you want protecting, you’re better off in the second world that I showed to you. As for clothes, you’ll be naked -just as you would have been in the second world covered by the armor. In the third world, the weather is always warm, so clothes are not needed.”

“But I’ll be naked!”

“So will everyone else. And trust me, I’ve been told that it gets old really fast.” he said, winking at me. “Now as for anything else, you’ll just have to go there and see for yourself.”

I nodded, smiling. Even if I was naked, it would beat being dead. In one place I could soar like an eagle above the clouds and swim to the bottom of the ocean to see underwater volcanoes, though I would only be able to smell a rose if it was digitized and sent through a computer. On the other hand, a place unspoiled by modern technology and populated with others like myself seemed like a good choice. And the place where my soul would go to would be waiting for me for when I was ready. So I pointed to an orb and waited while he pressed a few buttons.

A few minutes later I woke on the beach. Blue water to one side of me, a rainforest on the other. I held out my hand and waved my naked fingers in front of me. Then again, it wasn’t the only naked part of me by far.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY” was written in the sand next to me before the tide rose up and washed it away.